Bored? Wanna change of pace from your normal gaming? Well I did so I went to the closet to look for that old NES and pop up a classic or two. Hmm Punch Out?!!! Damn I remember I never got to finish that game when I was a kid. A bald guy kept knocking me out in one punch. Ok here we go!!!

Minor Circuit

Glass Joe

Whoever said old games never gave tutorials is so so wrong. Glass Joe is proof that indeed Punch Out has a tutorial. Ok little left and right punches here. Whhhhoooooaaaaaa halfway through the fight Glass Joe suddenly poses and starts taunting me! “c’mon, c’mon” A punch in the face later and well lets just say he won’t be boxing anytime some.

Von Kaiser

With a name like Kaiser I was expecting more of a fight. Man, this guy literally eats jabs all day long.

Strategy: Get a star, dodge his next uppercut or create an opening like I care then floor the guy. Kaput.

One interesting note about this guy is that he shakes his noggin everytime he gets dizzy. Hehe

Boss: Piston Honda

Ok,ok a TKO from Tokyo how original right. Now this guy is the first real challenge you’ll have in Punch Out. I played a little defensively here and wallah…I got through.

Just block his Piston Hurricane. That’s about 4-5 punches then quickly dodge the upcoming uppercut.

I used to have a comic book of Little Mac fighting this guy. Turns out he’s not the bad sort and is kinda a local hero in his hometown. Whoooaaaa!! The original Manny Pacquiao.

Interlude: Alright! Eye candy! (Little Mac being bitched by Doc) Ok, so a moving background is not much of an eye candy. Well if you wanted eye candy in the NES then you’re playing the wrong game stupid! Try Ninja Gaiden.

Major Circuit

Don Flamenco

Believe it or not this guy is my most memorable Punch Out character. Why? Because my high school teacher looks exactly like this guy. Yup, down to the details. The hair, the saliva. eww.

Punch, Dodge, left and right punches alternately. Repeat. Boring

King Hippo

The famous Captain N nemesis that always drops his trunks. You can’t imagine him without the oh so friggin cute eggplant wizard.

This guy is disgusting. After being pummeled several times I finally remembered to punch that big mouth of his (Doc is useful after all) and lo and behold I finally got to see that lame assed excuse for a belly button (bandaged of course) so I pummeled the guy with all the body shots I can muster. Finito.

With a gut like that he won’t be making too many comebacks ayt?

Great Tiger

Reminds me a lot of Von Kaiser. This guy is supposed to be a magician of some kind so it’s allowable to do that fancy smancy teleportation stuff and his illusionary punches. Bottom line? All the magic in this world can’t make up for his lame assed boxing skills!

When he starts to pose and uses his illusionary punches aka tiger punch (Sagat would be ROFL when he hears about this) just sit back and block everything til he gets dizzy then counterpunch.

See that wasn’t so hard.

Boss: Bald Bull

Crap. Now I remember this guy was the reason I never got to finish the game. Besides being ugly as in aliens ugly this guy has a weird head shape and ugly teeth too. C’mon guys this is one ugly dude.

Ok here’s the catch. There’s only 1 way to beat this guy. When he poses for his bull charge wait for the third hop then punch him in the gut. This seems easy but believe me I’ve had nightmare about this.

Damn ugly asswipe made me retry. But I finally got him!!!! After all these years!!! This will be remembered as one of the biggest day in video game history!!! If anybody has a problem with that you can e-mail me at karlo@gameops.net

Interlude: Alright! Another Eye candy moment! Holy crap?! Talk about originality. At least they turned it into night.

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